160 Days to Race
I haven't written here in a while. Why? Well, Tuesday during class I all but passed out. I soldiered through the end of that class and met with the next, cut it short and went to an Urgent Care center. I don't know anything yet. They did some tests--including an EKG and bloodwork. They have ruled out problems with my heart at least. I've been a bit off with my training. I'm still on schedule more or less. I've been off a day but got caught up yesterday. Then today my lights went out. I couldn't make myself go run today without knowing if I'd have air conditioning or the ability to have a hot shower when I got home. So, well, I'm off again.
I've lost a lot of weight since I've began. I just bought a pair of size 8 jeans. They don't fit beautifully, but they do fit. What I wonder, however, is when I'll actually start to see myself as thinner. When I was almost 250 pounds I thought I was the same size as another girl who, though my height, was more than 300 pounds. I learned through therapy to trust numbers not images. I'm okay with that, I guess. I just wish I could look in a mirror or at a photograph and see, actually see, someone who is less than 300 pounds. (I just heard Osama Bin Laden is dead). Anybody else out there dealing with this? j
I can't keep this kind of post going right now. Must watch news!
Congratulations on the size 8 jeans! As long as you can button them it doesn't matter how they fit...take the 8 with pride! I have struggled with my body image for as long as I remember. Even now, being thinner than ever, I constantly think about when will I be happy with my weight. What helps me is when I compare pictures of myself when I was heavier and how I look now. I am a number freak (on the scale not math) and understand what your therapist meant by trusting numbers. I weigh myself every morning to make sure I am on target. I do factor in eating bad and then adjust my diet accordingly. Ultimately, what i recently realized is how do I feel? When I run, I feel amazing. Regardless of how much I weigh or how I think I look in the mirror, I FEEL AMAZING. NO ONE nor scale can take that away from me. I guess the point of comment is to reassure you that you are not alone. Even though I am thin, I still struggle with my weight and work hard at staying healthy. MM
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